Ambrose Bierce 1842-1913?1914?

 ARSENIC,a kind of cosmetic greatly

affected by the ladies,whom it greatly

affects in turn.

YEAR,a period of three hundred and sixty-five

                      disappointments. 

WEDDING,a ceremony at which two persons undertake

to become one,one undertakes to become nothing,

and nothing undertakes be become supportable.

TELEPHONE,an invention of the devil which

a brogates some of the advantages of making

a disagreeable person keep his distance.

AGE,That period of life in which we compound for the vices

that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer

the enterprise to commit.

ALONE,In bad company.

TWICE,Once too often.